How can you prepare yourself emotionally for treatment?

Self-compassion involves recognising that suffering and disappointment are a part of being human. We are not perfect and we will not always manage situations as we expect. Nothing can prepare you for a diagnosis of cancer and it is okay to not feel okay about it. It can be a difficult realisation that life is not perfect and that part of living involves experiencing pain, loss and suffering.

We share a common humanity and nobody is immune from suffering. Becoming open to our suffering and pain without trying to suppress or avoid how we are feeling allows us to be more accepting of ourselves. This helps us practice self-compassion. Research suggests that self-compassion increases the likelihood of engaging in self-care and looking after ourselves emotionally.

Think about how you would treat a close friend or family member if they were going through a difficult time. Would you treat yourself with the same compassion that you would show them?

Some people talk about feeling under pressure to be positive or to engage in the ‘fight’ with cancer. It is important to be hopeful but that does not mean you have to deny the reality that cancer can feel frightening. It is okay to not feel okay about it.

Allow yourself to tune into how you are feeling and give yourself permission to be kind to yourself.

Understand your feelings and when to seek support.

It is normal to experience a range of different feelings following a diagnosis of cancer.  You may be experiencing feelings such as disbelief, fear, worry, anger, sadness and loneliness, or you may be finding it difficult to feel anything at all. You will have a lot of information and feelings to process and make sense of. The range and intensity of your feelings is likely to continue fluctuating during treatment.

It’s okay to not feel okay.

Treatment can take a long time. There may be periods of waiting and uncertainty. It can be physically and emotionally demanding. There are no right or wrong ways to feel. It is normal to experience a range of emotions at different points during treatment. You may find some intense feelings pass with time while others stay for longer. Some people describe the process as like an emotional rollercoaster. It is important to remember that your feelings are a response to the situation you find yourself in. There are many different ways to manage difficult feelings and you do not have to suffer alone.

It is important to be able recognise when you are experiencing difficult feelings. This enables you to choose how to manage those feelings.

Think about a time in your life when you experienced a difficult feeling such as stress, worry, fear, anger or low mood. Reflect back on whether there were any changes in your thinking or worries you may have had. There might have been changes in your body (e.g. increased heart rate, tension, sleep issues). Think about how you would recognise this feeling if it showed up for you again.

You may find that changes in your behaviour such as withdrawing or keeping busy are a sign you are experiencing difficult feelings. Sometimes family members or friends notice changes in us and our behaviour that we do not always see ourselves. It can be helpful to involve them in thinking about how to recognise when difficult feelings show up for you and influence how you manage.

One of the easiest ways to manage difficult feelings is to do a little bit more of what you know already helps. It can be difficult to change habits and learn new ways to manage during times of stress.

Think about what you already do to manage your wellbeing and try to do a little bit more of it. For example, if walking helps, think about other places or times you could walk too. You may want to think about ways to enhance strategies you already use.

You may be using strategies to manage difficult feelings and improve your wellbeing without realising. It might be helpful to ask family members or friends whether they have noticed you doing anything to help manage your feelings. Often family or friends notice changes in our behaviour that we do not always notice. Research suggests that if you consciously choose to do something to improve your wellbeing, you are more likely to perceive it as helpful.

You may notice that you engage in less helpful strategies to manage difficult feelings. It is important to avoid using strategies such as tobacco, alcohol and other substances to manage difficult feelings. Support is available if you find yourself engaging in these coping strategies.

When preparing for treatment, you may experience periods of intense, overwhelming feelings such as disbelief, fear, sadness, anxiety or anger. You may feel frightened about facing treatment and it may be difficult to tolerate the uncertainty regarding the potential effectiveness and side effects of treatment.

Following a diagnosis of cancer, it is common to experience a rollercoaster of emotion for some time. It is difficult to know what changes a cancer diagnosis may bring to your life. You may be experiencing a profound sense of grief for all you have lost due to the cancer and this requires a process of psychological adjustment over time.

Periods of intense, overwhelming feelings can be a common emotional response to a diagnosis of cancer. However, if you find that these feelings become increasingly present and feel unmanageable it is important to seek support. Use the Wellbeing Self-Evaluation Tool to help you understand your feelings and when to seek support.

Be proactive in managing your feelings. Consider whether there are situations or triggers that may lead to you feeling overwhelmed. Think about what changes other people might notice in you if you began to feel overwhelmed. There may be things you could do differently to help you better tolerate and manage these feelings. It might be helpful to let your care team know if you have a history of experiencing mental health or psychological difficulties. This would help your care team support you more effectively.

You may experience waves of distress or intense feelings. The waves are likely to continue during treatment. You cannot control or stop these waves of feelings but you can learn how to surf them. Finding a way to surf these waves of feelings allows you to ride each wave of feelings as it comes and goes.

• Using psychological strategies such as the dropping anchor technique to help you proactively manage waves of distress might be helpful.
• Understand your feelings and when to seek support.